So a friend described how I feel perfectly yesterday. " It's like being in a TV Show. You are saying your lines and watching everything yet you just don't feel like you are a part of it."
Seriously? I couldn't have really said it any better.
I WANT SO bad to be apart of it.....it's just I don't know how!!! I want to look at people and not be upset. I want to feel something other than sadness or anger!
The people that you think are going to be there for you are the ones who dissapoint you. And I don't know why that is. But then again if I knew that I probably wouldn't be sittting here writing this. Or maybe (yes I am about to say this) Maybe I just live in the movies. ;)
I watch way too much Lifetime, AMC, TCM. and Hallmark! But yes that is what I want and NO I am not asking too much. Because that is what I would do fo rmy Friends so yes I expect them to do that for me. Oh, wait........another dissapointment in the human race. I have had way tooo many in the past few years.
I hope that you all NEVER ever have to feel this way.
Does any of this make sense??
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It all makes sense. The outsider looking in. There's a little girl inside that is crying out for attention and nurturing. She is the one lost, crying and hating. But only you can do it. Takes time to learn to mother oneself, gently, but worth it in the end. One eventually finds contentment and serenity. The child within feels safe and happy.
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