Thanksgiving

Well To be honest it SUCKED!!! I came home from work and my cat was dead. She was 9 and had been sick but still. Why is God playing that cruel sick joke on me. at least that is what it feels like. Oh Well. 2010 you need to be over!!!

The Holidays...are HERE!

Thanksgiving is this week...................
I know you want to know how I am feeling bout it. Well to be honest I am not sure! There is one moment when I feel like I am fine. But, then there is the next where I wish someone would come and kill me now!!! I can see why there are so many more suicides around the holidays. Not that I would or ever could. I just now understand. but as I have said before I have my "Happy Pills" and if they don't work the good ole doctor will fix that.



Is it crazy that I am actually thinking about dating again? And when I say again, I mean for the first time really in at least 5 years. But is it me that's talking or is it the realization that I am alone now?

That question opens up a whole other topic. Let me tell you that I know that I am not alone. BUT at the same time yes I am alone. and until you are literally walking a day in my shoes you don't now or will ever know what I am talking about. I do hope that you won't ever have these feelings.

Well....What?

First let me say that I am very sorry for not having written in months. But...it's been a very trying time. I am trying everyday to get better but as you know it's not wasy. the good thing to come out of all of this? I haven't spoken to "those" family members since the funeral. And you know what? I am HAPPY about it. No, really I am.



I have been trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life and to be honest I have no idea. The one thing that I do know is that I want to be HAPPY. but now it's trying to figure out what happy means to me.