Life.....After a Death

So I started this site over a year ago and haven't added anything to it. I know. Bad me. But let's just say it hasn't been a boring year.
I can't even write the words. It took a while a few months I mean to write the words that my father had passed away. When will I be able to write it about grandma.
I will tell you this much my HEART HURTS!!!! I can't even begin to think about how much it hurts. Some people say that they don't know what to say.....but you really don't even have to say anything. It's just being there. Every once in a while I just need you to listen to me rant.

Here is what you need to know.
I cry everyday!! I cry every night as I drive home. It is hard enough for me to be happy at work and act like everything is a-ok when it's not. So don't look at me and think that I am going to go out with you and watch everyone around be happy and drink. because let me tell you I look at you and want to punch you in your fucking faces!!!!! And the sad thing is I don't care what you think or how you feel about that. Because right now it isn't about you Fuckers. It's about ME!





I wish that there was some magic pill or solution for this but I haven't heard of anything. There are days that I want ot be alone and then there are days that I don't. Even if I say I want to be alone I don't think I am telling you the truth.





I can't deal with anything anymore. How I actually get up everyday I have no idea. Do I mean the things I say?? who the fuck knows. Do I want to be happy?? FUCK YEAH I do. I just don't know how. Hell I don't even know how to take care of myself.